She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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