SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
