it's too hot outside to masturbate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
