I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
