I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize