What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
