I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
