i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
