hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize