Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
