So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
