Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
