remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sponge bath it is.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
