omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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