Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
