this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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