Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
