Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
