You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
