You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
