butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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