everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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