The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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