I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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