What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
