Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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