there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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