awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
