Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
