there's paper in my vomit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
