I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
