I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
