Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
