you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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