yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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