So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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