2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize