I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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