Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
