i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
