so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
