He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize