You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
