Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
