Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
