Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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