when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
