I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
