she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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