umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
