Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The Olympian is in my bed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
how does that bad decision feel?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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