you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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