It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
