you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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