my soul wont recognize me after tonight
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize