I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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