I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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