I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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