I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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