You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
