All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
