I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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