Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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