if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize