Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
