none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize