He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
