so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
