He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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