...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
