No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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