Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
