the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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