Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
