I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
