Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
