just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
