Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize