if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
