Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
