we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
