im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
