what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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