we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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