Pappa wants mamma naked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
handjob tips. give me some.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
