yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
