I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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