Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
