Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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