My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
