Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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