He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize