So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
