I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
