Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
