No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
