How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
