i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize