If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
