turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
