shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
