sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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