she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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