Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
