She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize