I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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