Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
