It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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