Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
