What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
