planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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